6 Signs You Have an Unhealthy Fear of Letting People Down
Are you aย people pleaser? Do you have a fear of letting people down? Well, youโre not alone in that area, but there are ways you can improve.
Should we care about what other people think? Well, sometimes we should. But the truth is, we can never please all of the people all of the time. This is just impossible.
However, there are those who have a horrible fear of disappointing others. They want to be liked and accepted, and when they fail itโs almost unbearable. Is this you?
Do you have an unhealthy fear of letting people down?
Yes, we should strive to be the best of who we are, but we are going to make mistakes. We are also going to make choices that make some people angry with us.
Iโve learned this during my adult life, and it wasnโt an easy lesson. I hated letting people down. But the thing is, it couldnโt be 100% avoided, and this is true for everyone. Are you that person โ are you an obsessive people pleaser? Here are a few indicators that might help you see the truth.
1. A desire to be liked
If you addressed the real person inside, would you say you had a strong need to be liked? Is this a need to be liked by everyone, and devastation if just one of them disliked you? If so, you are struggling with letting people down.
You want to be accepted and needed by everyone. You also donโt like theseย people seeing your imperfectionsย because that could lead to some sort of distaste for you. This is not healthy and striving toย make everyone approve of youย will lead to mountains of stress.
2. Too much apologizing
People pleasers willย say they are sorryย for things they didnโt even do. Whatโs more, they will apologize over and over again, as if their apologies will ensure that no one turns against them.
If youโre saying sorry even when something is obviously not your fault, youโre desperately tryingย not to be seen as a failure. And there may not even be anyone that thinks this way. Itโs just part of whatโs been ingrained into your character. But it can be changed. Thatโs the good news.
3. Being untrue to yourself
First of all, itโs not normal to agree to everything that someone says or offers to you. Sometimes, itโs the right choice toย say โnoโ. Iโve seen so many people say yes when they really didnโt feel like doing things or agreeing to things they really hate. The look on their faces usually reveals the truth.
Do you find yourself doing things or agreeing with things you rather not do? If so, you have a fear of letting people down, but you are being untrue to yourself, which is much worse. This behavior can eat away at your physical and mental health. So, it has to stop, and you must be true to yourself.
4. Overburdened by others
Lately, has your life been a series ofย doing this and that for everyone else? Are you taking care of a sick relative? Are youย helping a friendย move? Are you babysitting other peopleโs children? Even worse, are you doing all these things in one small period of time?
If so, you could be overloaded with other peopleโs needs and neglecting your own. This is one of the most noticeable signs that you are afraid of disappointing people. This is also a sure way to shorten your lifespan.
Itโs something serious to think about, and something you might want to put a stop to as soon as possible. Helping people is good, but when this charity turns into self-destruction, youโre better off letting people dislike you.
5. Compromising your core beliefs
I didnโt learn the importance of standards, beliefs, morals, and such until my mid-forties. I know, thatโs kind of late. But, when I did, I realized that most people donโt care about your boundaries as much as you do. Listen carefully.
You absolutely have to discover your core beliefs and hold onto them as tightly as you can. Now, Iโm not saying compromise is bad. No, itโs great.
But if your standards and morals are being compromised just to please someone else, thatโs where you draw the line. Thatโs where you just let them hate you and be done with it. Are you selling yourself to please others?
6. Copying others
Iโve watched young men and women change who they are to fit the person they love. Iโve even seen this happen between friends who have that fear of letting people down. For instance, if you hate football, please donโt pretend you love it just to win the approval of someone else.
Copying others and the things they like shows that you fear letting people down. Why is this? Because you believe thatย people will like youย better if you areย more like them.
In the end, this is not true, and eventually, the truth of what you really like and donโt like will be revealed making things much worse. Iโve done it, trust me.
Go ahead, disappoint them
Yes, I said it, and I mean it. Youย go ahead and failย sometimes if things need to change. You have to eliminate the fear of letting people down, and this might be what it takes. Yes, you mayย lose friends, and you may lose marriages. But, in the long run, youโve been true to yourself and thatโs what matters.
I will leave you with a few ideas to embark upon these improvements. If you try these practical ideas, you might find yourself holding your head a little higher and caring a little less about the opinion of others.
Here are a few ways to make those changes:
Know yourself
The first thing you should do is get to know yourself. I mean really understand what you like and what you donโt like apart from anyone else, even your closest family members. Donโt base any part of you on anyone else. This is how you know where to draw boundary lines.
Set those boundaries
If youโre confused about some boundary lines, use this rule of thumb:ย donโt let your kindness be seen as weakness. When you feel like someone isย taking advantage of you, step back and reaffirm those boundaries.
Stand firm
Donโt take things that other people say or do too seriously. Sometimes, people get angry just because they know you will fold and give in to what they want. At times, you will have to ignore this, and brush it off.
Donโt assume things
Never assume your โnoโ response will disappoint someone anyway. There are some normal people, after all, that understand that โnoโ is a perfectly okay answer sometimes. Try to remember this and try it out more often too.
Iโm not saying it will be easy to make changes in the ways youโve conditioned yourself with the fear of letting people down, but if someone really loves you, letting them down sometimes should be okay.
All the others who pretend to be a friend or loved one, can either learn to accept your truths or not. Itโs just that simple. Iโm rooting for you.
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